On Vulnerability

 At some point in all of our lives we will be taught that being vulnerable isn't safe. This can happen in a myriad of ways, on different levels of intensity, and at the hands of all sorts of other people interwoven into our world. We will learn that there are parts of ourselves we need to hide. We learn that you can never be rejected if we reject ourselves first. But what is vulnerability in a world where so many of us are only connected by pain? How do you will yourself to be open when you already feel so raw from the difficulties of daily life?

We are all so desperate for connection, whether we realize it or not. So many of our choices, our actions, and our thoughts are motivated by this fundamental need to belong. In some ways, it seems as if the only purpose of "individuality" is to reject this need entirely. We numb ourselves, try to convince ourselves that we can selectively ignore the feelings we've been taught to be ashamed of... insecurity, rejection, unworthiness, fear, sadness.. even anger can't exist in us when we've observed that it is "bad".. just as joy, love, and compassion can't exist in us if we try to avoid feeling everything else.

 Sometimes, we learn to blame others. The pain and discomfort we feel, we shift onto an external plane or human being. It's so much easier to look out than to look within. We're so afraid of what people will see in us, we lose track of who we even are. So fixated on appearing smart, independent, beautiful, lovable... we don't pause to reflect on if we even feel that way.

Uncertainty is a threat. It triggers our fight or flight. For some it triggers our freeze or fawn. Whatever it is, we are challenged by facing our own realities so we focus on trying to control every aspect of them instead. But this doesn't work. And every time it doesn't we plunge deeper into our own shame and deeper into the clouded senses of self we've cultivated out of fear. 

But what if we stopped pretending we don't have a profound impact on the people in our lives? What if we decided to let ourselves be seen? What if we decided to tell the stories of who we are with our whole hearts rather than fragmented pieces? What if I told you that the only way to stop being afraid of rejection is to embrace its possibility? What if I told you that the only way to be present in life is to let yourself love and be loved?

-Liz