Truth Serum

Desperation mixed with abandonment anxiety

is an elixir whose side effects may include:

impulsivity and

subsequent loneliness.

Yet so many of us take the potion.

Rushing into feelings followed by a cloud of worry

saying that all too soon the person 

we have them for will dissipate. 

Time is an illusion 

especially if you hesitate.

Spend too much of it drowning in the woes of indecision

and your reluctance will soon decide your fate.

Sure, it's a lot easier to say "I want to fuck you" than

it is to say "I want to love you" but 

I think most of us would be a lot happier

if we tried, anyway.

-Liz

love unfulfilled

a love unrequited is simple.

a love unfulfilled is complex.

if you simply don't love someone

it is what it is but

if you're afraid of your love for someone

the fear doesn't mean you ever stop

it just puts you in a constant battle

between the beautifully human desire to love

and the tragically human adaptation to resist.

-liz

Dirty Little Secret

I've never been the woman men choose to commit to

I've been the fantasy they use to escape from those

already preexisting

Manic Pixie Dream Girl- 

         "oh you're a dream girl... until I wake up"

I've never been the woman men pursue for the long-term

I've been the space they seek shelter in to avoid 

any terms at all

A Guilty Pleasure- 

            "I can't wait to taste you... so I can spit you back up"

And yet, after years of being kept in the dark

I can finally see what the real secret was;

                the fact that none of us knew how

                to both give and receive Love.

-Liz

The Difference Between a Gunshot and a Firework

The neighborhood that I've called home

for the past 3 years 

has always been filled with

a cacophony of sounds.

On any day of the week

I find myself in my room deciphering 

through intuition and hearing alone

all that's happening outside of it. 

Most days I am able to tell 

the difference between the

booming of a gunshot

and a firework.

Some days I am not.

Which means I either prematurely hide

when I could be looking out or

I risk my safety by not ducking off sooner.

And I've done the same with men.

It's taken me many years to learn

the difference between who is safe

and who is only meant to be a lesson

in fine-tuning my grounding from within.

But even through my pain I've found healing

and though I can't say I've always been glad

to learn through struggle,

I can say I'm proud of who I am.

The universe has a way of pushing us to shift

our focus and if we're ready to tune in we'll

start to see synchronicities and understand

that everything happens for a reason.

The more you trust yourself

and the guidance you're receiving

the less likely you are to compromise your

dignity for people who are misleading.

And that's when you'll be able to instantly

know the difference 

between a firework 

and a gunshot.

One is always beautiful

while any beauty in the other

can only be seen

after recovery from the pain.

-Liz

Checking Out

I thought about you 

while I was at the grocery store today

and about how you only had eggs, some water

and leftovers at your place.

I imagined us in a timeline where

it would be acceptable for me

to come surprise you with

better food to fill your fridge.

I allowed myself to float

in the bliss

of this daydream

knowing that's all it was.

Then I remembered when, unprompted,

you told me you fucked someone else recently 

and still did not want to date.

And I went to check out.

-Liz

Spring's Bloom

The season whose theme is hope 

and the color green has sprung;

casting a spell upon us to feel

an overwhelming urge to plant seeds.

Yet I find that I'm still the one on my knees 

begging for the distant men 

who placed themselves in my orbit first

to grow with me.

Translated literally "equinox" means "equal night";

how can a connection blossom with intention 

when there's only one person

providing most of the light?

This time serves as a reminder you can't lose people 

who were never honest to begin with

only the false hope that fleeting yet

tender moments with them sprouted within us.

The only way to ground yourself is to

let go of all expectations rooted in fantasy.

Clear the soil and pull the weeds,

make room for a love that blooms like Spring.

-Liz

Morning Person

I’d never been a morning person 

until now.

Maybe I had to get used 

to the calm.

My life has always been a series 

of ups and downs.

But the birds singing their good mornings 

don’t know about that.

The sun rising has no time to consider

such trivial things.

Too busy warming the earth,

tending to more important tasks.

And I’m busy too, busy healing & letting myself

enjoy the peace.

-Liz